Nobrainer’s Think Tank

MTV is trying to save the world again. Yada yada yada… Universities can win a $25k grant and a rock concert for groundbreaking eco-ideas. The sniff test tells me that this is on par with SinceSlicedBread.

First, let’s think about MTV’s involvement. For a good idea they’ll reward you with a bunch of overpriced, no-talent assclowns who will presumably turn the volume up to 11 and put on a groovy light show. When I think of stewards of global environmental awareness, MTV and all that it stands for are always at the top of my list.

Anyway, my ideas.

1. Don’t allow MTV concerts on campus. That should save plenty of hot air and electron flow.
2. Don’t allow MTV on campus. Take TVs out of dorm rooms. Cut off the cable. Or at least tell students that if they find themselves watching MTV that they should turn the TV off immediately and do something else. Anything else.
3. Make MTV not exist anymore. Have they really contributed anything good to the world?

Those will presumably go over like lead balloons. Here’s a couple with more teeth.
4. Replace all incandescent light bulbs on campus with GE compact fluorescents. Let students trade in burned out bulbs for the fluroescents and even actively replace non-burned out bulbs to be used elsewhere.
5. Reverse the “yield to pedestrians” rule. This is a stupid fucking rule to begin with that leads to kids not even paying attention to traffic. Create a “yield to the two ton death machine” rule. The current rule wastes gasoline because thousands of times a day a car has to come to a stop and then re-accelerate. Of course this might also keep dumbasses out of the hospital, which adds an additional layer of benefit.
6. In each dorm room, put in two outlets and don’t allow power strips. And enforce the rule.

And now for the kind of flowery, optimistic, tree-hugging ideas that will probably win.
7. Go organic and celebrate dandelions! (OK, I stole that one.)
8. Screw this computer stuff! Two words, “slide rule.” (OK, this really belongs in the same category with 4 thru 6.)
9. Outlaw brutal sports like football. The electricity costs, the encouraged violence, and the disrespect towards women — not to mention the need for paving over green space for the sake of parking — make this activity one that must go!
10. Create a culturally diverse commission to study how people of different ethnicities use and value power, green space, and other important resources. Take the results of that commission and present them to the overseer of cultural awareness on campus who will then form a coalition of underrepresented peoples who will confer to consider the study. A separate, multicultural committee will be formed to oversee the commission and the coalition. A straight, white, male student will be chastised for being insensitive because he was found to be a closet Dave Chapelle fan. Then hold an anti-Bush rally. Finally, everyone will hug each other and emphasize how much they value each other as people.

Months ago AndyI posted about SinceSlicedBread. The goal of the website was to collect ideas and enable voting to determine the next great idea since sliced bread. Says AndyI:

I have never seen so may socialist/communist/just plain silly ideas. Go on and get a laugh at what some people write.

Well they’ve gotten down to the 7 finalists and they are supremely laughable, right along the lines Andy mentioned. Remember my post about the Missouri legislator who wanted to ban the sale of cold beer? Well the ideas are pretty much that bad.

In jest, I suggested a law to mandate conservation. We clearly use electricity we don’t need all the time: tvs, computers, christmas lights, etc. It would be simple to destroy, outlaw, and penalize to accomplish this goal. Little did I know that my joke was operating at just about the same wavelength of the people taking it seriously.

What’s the summary of the top 7 ideas? In no particular order:
1. universal health care (it should be a right) — I ask how much is a right and how much is just extra..
2. education reform (tax the rich and give to the poor)
3. save social security by taxing the rich more
4. tie minimum wage to inflation
5. Create “Civil Works Corps”
6. outlaw job-based health care, mandate “national healtcare insurance”, pay it with a sales tax
7. Sustainable Resource Industries (taxing the bejeezus out of anything that doesn’t make tree huggers happy. where globalized “labor, production, and ideas” — also known as letting other countries use their minds and assets to compete, which is bad — has “marginalized [our] quality of life”)

Actually, let me just block quote #7:

Globalization of labor, production, and ideas and an industrial economy based on subsidized fossil fuels have set the stage for economic and social instability, continued outsourcing of jobs, and marginalized quality of life. We can create a new economy based on environmentally benign industries and energy.

Impose a “resource tax” on pollution, development, and fossil fuel to pay for development of renewable energy and environmental restoration. Promoting sustainable localized energy industries (solar, wind, hydro, tidal, biofuels) will provide reliable, clean homegrown energy, exportable technologies, and bring energy jobs home. Funding widespread environmental restoration will expand existing industries (farming, recreation, tourism, and commercial fisheries) that are dependent on ecological services and will foster research, design and technology industries.

Working families will benefit from a stable economy and millions of new economy jobs. These solutions are inherently local – they create decentralized resources and require skilled local labor, forever. They pay for themselves and provide capital for entrepreneurs to develop industries and exportable technologies. And they foster community and collaboration essential to surviving in a global economy.

See what I’m saying? This is the same kind of tripe you get from 5th graders.

There are so many more worthy critiques. I’d like to know how you go about “widespread environmental restoration” while expanding farming. And doesn’t tourism usually have a negative effect on nature? I could seriously go on and on about this post all day. (”Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time.”*)

My summary is thus: if we just tax ourselves enough, then the government will have enough money to give us all huge checks and we’ll be rich.

I love that logic. I think I’m going to open my own business. I’ll be a rope lengthener. “Got a rope that’s too short? Bring it to Ol’ Nobrainer. Using advanced technology I’ll remove useless material at the bottom of your rope and tie it to the top where it’s really needed! My work is guaranteed!”

And here’s the shit that I just don’t understand. No, wait, I completely understand and I hate all the motherfuckers who do it. The Democrats and liberals are generally painted as the all-knowing, uber-intelligentsia with a vast, unceasing ability to think, articulate, and govern wisely. Nearly everyone else is some uneducated hick by default. So what does the left come up with? They address nearly every issue at face value without thought or insight into the deeper causes of the problem or the future ramifications of their fixes. Usually this means moving money from the rich to the poor. Robin Hoodism is the cure of all ills it seems — better than Nyquil and ‘Tussin combined. (Remember though, I generally hate all the politicians not just lefties and Democrats, but I repeat myself.)

Damnit, I went off on another rant today. My apologies.

The rapidly growing global demand for oil combined with all number of supply issues has increased gas prices over the last year. This we all know. Fortunately Americans are responding to this as any economist would predict. As the prices rise the demand for alternatives also rises. Some people are responding reasonably by directly altering their behavior. Andy I, for example is a big proponent of biodiesel. Unfortunately others are trying to alter the behavior of others via the government. I’ve gone on and on here about such things. Some proposals are good and others are completely horrible.

Today some information about algal biodiesel came my way from fark (where else?). I’ve read about it before to some extent. This article in particular focused on how Dr. Isaac Berzin, an MIT rocket scientist, believes algae can be combined with coal burning power plants to reduce carbon dioxide and nitrous oxide emissions while creating biodiesel and ethanol.

For his part, Berzin calculates that just one 1,000 megawatt power plant using his system could produce more than 40 million gallons of biodiesel and 50 million gallons of ethanol a year. That would require a 2,000-acre “farm” of algae-filled tubes near the power plant. There are nearly 1,000 power plants nationwide with enough space nearby for a few hundred to a few thousand acres to grow algae and make a good profit, he says.

Initially this looks good — so good I would expect that oil companies would buy this technology then bury it to prevent it from seeing the light of day. We all know those loonies who believe those bullshit conspiracy theories. I almost had to smack someone who believe a pharmaceutical company would bury a cure for diabetes that it bought for $30 million. “It’s all about the money.” Exactly, and having sole possession of something so radically advanced would bring in a tidy profit. But I digress. There are some questions and observations about these numbers worthy of being presented.

• This technology “can produce 15,000 gallons of biodiesel per acre. Just 60 gallons are produced from soybeans, which along with corn are the major biodiesel crops today.” No word on if any dollar-per-gallon subsidy exists for this since the fuel doesn’t come from corn or soybeans. This could be bad news for the Iowans investing in farm grown biodiesel. I am still loathe to get our food and fuel from the same source. Hell, we have a lot of land, but not that much. According to the CIA, the US has about 430 million acres of arable land. Assuming 300 million Americans and max production, each person could get about 90 gallons of biodiesel per year. As it is in this country, we use about 20 million barrels (not gallons) per day. That equates to just about 1,000 gallons of oil per person per year. Nine percent ain’t bad, but that is assuming maximum capacity.
• So agri-biodiesel really doesn’t look that good. It’s not useless, but it ain’t that grand. Let’s say we do get some of these 2000 acre farms set up, a hundred of them. I’m going to combine those 40 million gallons of biodiesel and 50 million gallons of ethanol and say that they can substitute for about 2 million barrels of oil. For a hundred such facilities, we can replace roughly 3 percent of our oil use. So with widespread use this could be somewhat doable.
• I’m amused by the arbitrary size of the “farms” used. 2000 acres is exactly the same size as the proposed maximum footprint for drilling in ANWR. Here 2000 acres is written off as almost nothing. When it comes to drilling, 2000 acres is a tragedy.
• These “farms” though, aren’t like corn fields. You can’t just knock down the trees and till the soil. We’re talking about 2,000 acres of “rows of fat, clear tubes.” Glass tubes? Plastic tubes? 2000 acres of glass will take a lot of energy to produce. 2000 acres of plastic will require a lot of oil for all that polymer. So this seems like it would be a rather large capital investment.

So this is a technology to keep your eye on. Remember that all these numbers are just estimates and that I’m working with numbers that may or my not be correct to start with. But I hope it adds a little depth to your understanding of what we’re looking at.