Nobrainer’s Think Tank

But I never lit myself on fire…

nor other people.

Hooray for scientific breakthroughs!

Where do I sign up and what’s the down-payment?

And is there some kind of recycling or trade-in program to get rid of the old one?

I think I’ll go for the Antartic Blue Super Sports model with C.B. and optional rally fun pack as opposed to the higher capacity Metallic Pea Family Truckster.*

Nice.

“In fact, the National Academy of Science’s Institute of Medicine estimates that 18,000 Americans die each year because they have no health insurance.” [Some guy from Ohio for whom I'd rather die by lack of insurance than vote for]

And more importantly, why should I care?

Why just a minute ago, I learned much to my disappointment, that man-flab is indeed not sexy. Yes, according to Today, man-flab is officially not sexy.

So much for my strict 5 year diet regimen of bacon, brats, and beer… and just when I had reached rotund perfection!

Thank you, Today for setting me straight. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s eye-opener: “Do women prefer men who shower?”

Scary addendum: I asked myself the sarcasm laden question, “how could I live without the Today show?” Then it hit me that there are real people in the world who ask themselves the same question. Except they mean it.

Well here’s a tip for them: when in doubt, drink the kool-aid.

Coffee that’s hot and high on caffeine
Beer that’s cold and finishes clean
Whiskey that makes me forget everything
These are a few of my favorite things

And it turns out, that they compliment each other nicely.

Coffee may protect against alcoholic liver disease, according to a study that adds to the growing body of literature on the diverse health effects of the popular and addictive brew.

For every cup of java, up to four a day, the study charted about a 20% decline in risk of alcoholic cirrhosis. People drinking four cups a day had about an 80% lower risk. Although the study suggests coffee may be protective, it doesn’t prove drinking it actually caused the benefit.

Bottoms up!

This is my third attempt at writing this post goddamnit. I’ve got pages of semi-well thought out material and it all sucks. Now I’m pissed.

Education in this country is shitty because the education community contains too many stupid mother(child)fuckers.

What makes the education debate more intolerable, is that so often the proposed “solution” — one heavily favored by, surprise of surprises, the labor unions — is to hire more stupid childfuckers.

In the quality VS quantity debate, the American public has loudly voted that it would rather take the Sizzler restaurant approach.

In distilled form: the stupid are demanding more stupid in the classroom in order to make the stupid children of the stupid less stupid. Like Ron White said, “you can’t fix stupid.” You can only hope to contain it.

Really want test scores and shit to increase? Don’t spend money on shitty new books that come with useless CDs and webcontent and those nice color pictures, or computers that really serve as expensive toys, or even on more teachers. Spend some time and effort convincing the stupid not to breed. Give them all the budweiser, crystal meth, crack, sex, condoms, and maybe even a hint of education they need to keep them happy — and out of the parenting business.

A drugs for balls trade (how much is that heroin really worth to you)? Or let’s give out sex-vouchers, AKA get-laid-free cards, for men and women who undergo permanent sterilization. We can let people fuck to their hearts’ content without having to worry about their piss in the gene pool. Could that be any worse than constantly trying to reform all these unwanted kids?

It’s so perfect it has to work.