Nobrainer’s Think Tank

Protesters in New York were angry at plans to kill 2000 geese. “Gassing 2000 geese is not a long-term solution,” their signs say. And they’re right. We need to gas all the geese. That is a long term solution we can believe in.

I’ve complained about stupid, shit-generating geese in the past. Now there’s even more reason for even more people to join my crusade to kill and destroy Canada geese.

A U.S. Airways airplane crashed into the Hudson River on Thursday afternoon after geese apparently entered the engine causing it to malfunction just minutes after takeoff, CBS 2 has learned.

I’m serious. We need to start killing these fucking things (and deer and squirrels, too).

Saturday night I spontaneously journeyed south to see the Korean. About an hour into the trip I saw a deer. Later I saw another deer. Later still I saw a third. At that point I was awake, and only barely so, thanks to copious amounts of the black blood AKA coffee. As the hours wore on, I started to hallucinate, seeing deer and maybe even flying squirrels trying to win at nature’s version of Frogger.

I was really becoming paranoid about getting a fresh serving of Bambi-Burgers at 80 miles-per-hour. Anyway, all those deer were alive.

At least for the moment.

On the way home I saw three of the otherwise delicious-deer decaying in ditches. (I also saw one hopping in the median, apparently searching for a sufficiently strong bumper and/or grill attached to a massive vehicle with little ability to stop quickly.)

Deer do not appear prone to Darwinism by car. No points for Darwin on that one. Also no points for the “intelligent” designers.

It seems to me that our country is desperately short of good-shooting, gun-toting, deer-killing rednecks. Ron White jokes aside, guns and bullets are much more efficient killing machines for the animals. I say this because after a kill with a gun, I don’t have take my firearm to the mechanic to have antlers and hooves removed from the radiator and new body work installed.

So do the world a favor, and shoot some deer. (And all those goddamned Canada geese.)

Combine a 450 mile trip (twice) with extreme boredom, my blog, and a need to use my new camera… That means you get stuck having to look at pictures I took.

Haha-HA!

I guess I generally drive at night, or otherwise find ways to not notice the scenery. But the drive between Charlottesville and Hamilton is probably one of the most enjoyable, high mileage trips I get to make.

I was actually snapping pictures while driving, thus the “high speed” reference.

Yay! Mountains!

I always love driving past this dam. Here’s the overhead view.

And, even though it’s not high speed, I think this picture of Checkers is just too damn cute to not post.

The rest of the pictures are here. There are a couple from my golf outing on Friday. It was cold & windy. The course was sopping wet. And it is apparently “that time of year” for the geese; they were squawking around like drunk sailors — there was no quiet in the gallery. My game went straight to shit after the first picture. 4 balls hit the water in 2 holes. The back 9 was better — still better than almost anything else.

I absolutely despise Canadien geese. I hate cats, but I’m pretty sure that I hate geese more. Most of you golfers can sympathize with me. There’s nothing worse than trying to sink a putt on a green covered in goose shit.

Now I’m really starting to question their intelligence (as if I hadn’t been all along). There’s a small pond I walk by every day. In early winter I noticed 2 geese who seemed to have made it their winter retreat. I don’t consider central Virginia to be southern, but perhaps they actually came from Canada and they got lazy. I guess I can’t really delve into the brain of a goose, and it’s probably best to not try. However, that pond was frozen absolutely solid for about the last 3 weeks.

From my understanding, goose life breaks down into two things: swimming around and shitting in places that people like. When one of those items becomes unavailable, I would decide it was time to move. Then again, there’s another option. Maybe they just like to shit so much that the water really means nothing to them.

I am by no account a hunter. Perhaps the only way someone could construe me as a hunter is to establish that cars driven by me have hit some furry little animals. Please do not consider me to be an animal rights person. PETA frightens me. I admire their marketing skills, but little else.

John Kerry, today, was out hunting in Ohio. I suppose that he has the left-wing-hippie animal lover vote wrapped up. Surprisingly, Kerry made one good campaign decision. He went after one of the worst animals in the world… geese.
I thoroughly hate geese. They seem to primarily poop all over golf courses and do little else. They make a lot of useless noise, tresspass, act righteous, and drop a lot of shit. Remind you of any political groups?

But if John Kerry wanted to win my vote in Ohio (which is a literal impossibility at this point), he’ll have to kill a helluva lot more geese than one.