I had not realized that so much time had passed. But since I last updated you in June of 2005, the case of “Smiling Bob” has now gone to trial. And just in case you were still holding out hope that Enzyte’s male enhancement pills worked… don’t.
James Teegarden Jr., the former vice president of operations at Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, explained Tuesday in U.S. District Court how he and others at the company made up much of the content that appeared in Enzyte ads.
He said employees of the Forest Park company created fictitious doctors to endorse the pills, fabricated a customer-satisfaction survey and made up numbers to back up claims about Enzyte’s effectiveness.
“So all this is a fiction?” Judge S. Arthur Spiegel asked about some of the claims.
“That’s correct, your honor,” Teegarden said.
When customers ordered a product, the company’s goal was to keep charging their credit cards for as long as possible, Teegarden said.
If customers complained, he said, employees were instructed to “make it as difficult as possible” for them to get their money back. In some cases, Teegarden said, Warshak required customers to produce a notarized statement from a doctor certifying that Enzyte did not work.
“He said it was extremely unlikely someone would get anything notarized saying they had a small penis,” Teegarden said.
And let me tell ya, if there’s one way to please the missus, it’s to spend a load of money on things that don’t actually mighty your tiny penis.
Or so I’ve heard.
Still, those commercials were great. This is completely hilarious.