Nobrainer’s Think Tank

Governor Schwarzenegger recently offered up some sage advice when asked about how “Hispanic students can improve academically.”

“You’ve got to turn off the Spanish television set” and avoid Spanish-language television, books and newspapers, the Republican governor said Wednesday night at the annual convention of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists.

“You’re just forced to speak English, and that just makes you learn the language faster,” Schwarzenegger said.

That makes perfect sense to me. And it is exactly the type of advice I would give to anyone who moved to any country where a different language was dominant.

“I’m sitting shaking my head not believing that someone would be so naive and out of it that he would say something like that,” said Alex Nogales, president and chief executive of the National Hispanic Media Coalition.

Hispanic immigrants need Spanish-language media to stay informed and “function in this society,” Nogales said.

So according to Mr. Nogales, the guy who immigrated from another country, and learned a new language, and went on to become a movie star, and a multi-millionaire, and governor of one of the biggest states in the country, which has an economy equivalent to that of France, is the one who has the problem and is “naive” and “out of touch.”

From the NHMC website, “NHMC believes that in order for the media to present a fair portrayal of the Latino community, that Latinos must be employed at all levels of the media with special emphasis on news anchor and policy making positions.” I have to say that speaking English will only help them in their goals.

But if their website is any indication of their success, they are all terrible losers.

Carlos “I’m an unfunny hack” Mencia? You’ve got to be kidding. How the Hell do you include Carlos Mencia when your “mission is to 1) improve the image of American Latinos as portrayed by the media.”

And Freddy Prinze, Jr? Why the hell does he even count? He’s only 1/4 Hispanic.

Whatever. I’ll just give credit to Schwarzenegger and laugh at the NHMC until I find out that they’ve done something useful.

Waldo highlighted a picture from the new Creation Museum. The text it captures reads:

Biology research suggests that the pair of rhinoceroses on the Ark diversified into perhaps 200-300 species in the first couple centuries after the Flood. God probably placed the potential for this variety into rhinoceroses in the original creation. God’s designs allowed rhinoceroses to be comfortable in a variety of conditions, from cold Asian steppes to the dry African savannah or humid tropical jungles.

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Last night I was over at Rachel’s and we were doing what normal people do late at night. (That would be sleeping for those of you with dim wits or dirty minds.) Sleeping, as usual, is not very exciting. But then, around 3:30, we were woken up. Her window blinds were making noise. It was not incredibly loud. It was however, incredibly annoying.

What to do about the noise? My first instinct was that the noise was being caused by a burglar… a really inept burglar who was more interested in playing with the blinds than actually breaking in. So it probably wasn’t a burglar.

Then I thought it was the wind. But that idea was easily dismissible because something — other than just air — was hitting the blinds.

So it must be rain I thought. Except it didn’t sound much like rain. Actually it didn’t sound at all like rain. It didn’t even sound like it was raining outside.

With all those possibilities out of the way, I knew it had to be bugs. Some bugs — maybe some biggish moths? — had gotten themselves stuck between the window and the blinds. Fortunately I can deal with bugs. I can get my can of Raid and get down with some serious insecticide. The problem with this idea, is that when I first thought of it, I was so groggy as to think that my can of Raid at my house was going to magically appear at Rachel’s house.

With the bug conclusion reached and a lack of Raid, we still decided that we had to do something if we were going to get any sleep. So the plan was to open the top part of the window and shoe the little buggers outside.

Fixing the problem:
Step 1 — Put on glasses to see the problem
Step 2 — turn on lamp to illuminate the problem
Step 3 — look toward window and discover small animal stuck between the top corner of the blinds and the window frame staring back at me.
Step 4 — wonder how on earth a frog got inside the apartment and at the top of a 6 foot window
Step 5 — realize the frog is actually a goddamn bat

[note: the bat seemed none to fond of the light in the room. he/she/it immediately froze and made that kind of embarrassed face that people make when they realize they've been caught doing something incredibly stupid]

Step 6 — freak out a little bit and start praying that I won’t have to get rabies shots.
Step 7 — realize that girls don’t maintain a sufficient anti-bat arsenal

[question: can you use Raid on bats?]

Step 8 — leave the room
Step 9 — close the door
Step 10 — call animal control

It turns out that animal control doesn’t control these kinds of animal situations. Instead we get the fire department, who brought the biggest truck in their inventory… the kind that has the trailer which has it’s own driver. They were cool and got the little bat neutralized in no time. They said that had responded to another animal call already that night; a raccoon had barricaded itself behind someone’s entertainment center. And I’m guessing that since the FD, not animal control, responds to animal calls, the animal control folk(s) must help put out fires.

Anyway, everything was fine and Rachel and I got back to sleep. Also, it appears as though I will avoid those rabies shots. Hooray!

Based on today’s loss and it being Friday, I think it’s time for a f*cking beer.

Love’s Been Good To Me:

Yes. Not only is Johnny Cash better than U2 (who suck anyway) and NIN (who are otherwise hardly worth mentioning), he outperforms the the Chairman of the freakin’ Board. Sinatra’s great, but Cash is the best.

Per ABC’s Blotter:

NATO officials say they have caught Iran red-handed, shipping heavy arms, C4 explosives and advanced roadside bombs to the Taliban for use against NATO forces, in what the officials say is a dramatic escalation of Iran’s proxy war against the United States and Great Britain.

“It is inconceivable that it is anyone other than the Iranian government that’s doing it,” said former White House counterterrorism official Richard Clarke, an ABC News consultant.

We all know that NATO and Richard Clarke are just Bushie lapdogs who will help him start another war for oil.

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