Nobrainer’s Think Tank

Last night I was driving home. I flipped through radio stations until I got to John Tesh’s radio show. I wasn’t looking for it mind you, it’s just where I stopped. I will admit that on many occasions I have listened to bits of the show where he does these kind of “did you know” segments.

Anyway, last night I turned it on and I caught him mid-sentence. It was something about co-workers coughing and it being and indicator that they would call in sick the next day. Duh!

I realized with some additional context that he was talking about employees who fake being sick. Apparently they frequently spend the day before making up symptoms. So you can spot them because they’ll be coughing and complaining of a sore throat. Although I have no idea how you’re supposed to know the difference between people who are actually sick and the loser sons-of-bitches that fake it.

He goes on though. He says something about how workers took 5.5 sick days last year, as compared to 6.5 the year before. The reason for the drop? “The high unemployment rate.”

Jesus Christ, John, what world do you live in?

Just for everyone else’s knowledge, the unemployment rate in the US for any given month in 2005 was between 4.9 and 5.4%. In 2006 the unemployment rate for any given month was between 4.4 and 4.8%. In other words, the worst month of 2006 was better than the best month of 2005. Furthermore, 2005 was better than 2004. And 2004 was better than 2003.

High unemployment rate my ass.

[What's the proper grammar for that last line?]

Before you think that I may have misheard John, here’s the text of the report from his website:

According to a recent Harris poll, one in five North American workers have pretended to be sick to get out of going to work. In fact, 64% of sick days are really just mental health days. But those un-sick days are costing companies $654 per employee every year.

If you have a hunch that someone at work uses this ploy, look for the #1 sign the day before. Your suspect will cough and complain of a sore throat, just to make it more believable when they call the next morning. Men and women are guilty in about equal numbers. It’s estimated that employees took an average of 5.6 sick days last year. That’s down from 6.2 days the year before. Why the drop? The high unemployment rate makes people nervous about losing their jobs. Oh, here’s a tip for you fakers. Quit faking and just ask for a mental health day. In poll of employers done by Business Week magazine, you’ll get more respect from your boss.

And before you think that this must just be some old, recycled clip from years ago, a search of the site says the note was posted on 5/22/2007.

Stupid John Tesh.