Nobrainer’s Think Tank

Last night I was over at Rachel’s and we were doing what normal people do late at night. (That would be sleeping for those of you with dim wits or dirty minds.) Sleeping, as usual, is not very exciting. But then, around 3:30, we were woken up. Her window blinds were making noise. It was not incredibly loud. It was however, incredibly annoying.

What to do about the noise? My first instinct was that the noise was being caused by a burglar… a really inept burglar who was more interested in playing with the blinds than actually breaking in. So it probably wasn’t a burglar.

Then I thought it was the wind. But that idea was easily dismissible because something — other than just air — was hitting the blinds.

So it must be rain I thought. Except it didn’t sound much like rain. Actually it didn’t sound at all like rain. It didn’t even sound like it was raining outside.

With all those possibilities out of the way, I knew it had to be bugs. Some bugs — maybe some biggish moths? — had gotten themselves stuck between the window and the blinds. Fortunately I can deal with bugs. I can get my can of Raid and get down with some serious insecticide. The problem with this idea, is that when I first thought of it, I was so groggy as to think that my can of Raid at my house was going to magically appear at Rachel’s house.

With the bug conclusion reached and a lack of Raid, we still decided that we had to do something if we were going to get any sleep. So the plan was to open the top part of the window and shoe the little buggers outside.

Fixing the problem:
Step 1 — Put on glasses to see the problem
Step 2 — turn on lamp to illuminate the problem
Step 3 — look toward window and discover small animal stuck between the top corner of the blinds and the window frame staring back at me.
Step 4 — wonder how on earth a frog got inside the apartment and at the top of a 6 foot window
Step 5 — realize the frog is actually a goddamn bat

[note: the bat seemed none to fond of the light in the room. he/she/it immediately froze and made that kind of embarrassed face that people make when they realize they've been caught doing something incredibly stupid]

Step 6 — freak out a little bit and start praying that I won’t have to get rabies shots.
Step 7 — realize that girls don’t maintain a sufficient anti-bat arsenal

[question: can you use Raid on bats?]

Step 8 — leave the room
Step 9 — close the door
Step 10 — call animal control

It turns out that animal control doesn’t control these kinds of animal situations. Instead we get the fire department, who brought the biggest truck in their inventory… the kind that has the trailer which has it’s own driver. They were cool and got the little bat neutralized in no time. They said that had responded to another animal call already that night; a raccoon had barricaded itself behind someone’s entertainment center. And I’m guessing that since the FD, not animal control, responds to animal calls, the animal control folk(s) must help put out fires.

Anyway, everything was fine and Rachel and I got back to sleep. Also, it appears as though I will avoid those rabies shots. Hooray!