Nobrainer’s Think Tank

Nothing amusing happened until after 5 PM. So I’ll start there:

Just past 5 I left to attend a case interview workshop. The reminder email I received said it started at 5:15 even though previous emails said 5.

I was late. Oh well, I learned some stuff and there was free pizza. There was enough pizza, we were told, to give each of the 38 people who had sent an RSVP two slices. Well there were 5 big pizzas and they didn’t have 16 slices each. And there were 10 extra people in attendance. I got one piece, and while enjoying it my friend observed that all of the tiny, Asian girls had gotten two pieces. Moments later one of the tiny Asian girls threw a whole piece in the trash.

UVA students are superior!

Later I attended an 8PM recruiting presentation for a consulting firm. Here’s what I noticed:

• Of about 20 people in attendance, none were female.
• The even was catered but hardly anyone even took any food. I almost requested several boxes.
• I was underdressed compared to most. I stuck with khakis and a polo. I’m an engineer. Fuck that looking good bullshit. And I say that not entirely out of a belief in my own superiority. I say that in part because most of the guys looked like striped shirt assholes.
• A jury would find most of the guys guilty of general douchebaggery

I didn’t eat much because it was wing night. So after asking some insightful questions, I left to pursue cheap flavored poultry appendages and $3 pitchers of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

While pursuing my gluttonous interests, I observed other items of note:

• I paid $4.50 for a Jack & Diet Coke and I want to go back and beat the girl behind the bar. She gave me a glass of Diet Coke with a little bit of Jack on top. I should order a stop-payment on my credit card because I got fucking robbed.
• The wings were hotter than usual. Thank god for PBR.
• A party table several rows from us was 50% populated by people about whom my friends and I could not determine their sex. Male? Female? I don’t know but they probably play rugby.
• Some girl sitting between me and the 20′ projection TV was showing voluminous amounts of cleavage. It was a good strategy for her because I’m sure it’s an effective diversion from her dog face.
• And then the party of the night arrived. A tall, simple, sweet looking brunette walked in… accompanied by 2 old, short Latino guys and another younger but slightly taller (than the other guys) Latino guy with a braided ponytail. What could I do but begin laughing hysterically? After catching my breath, I realized she weighed a solid 30 pounds more than I initially realized, had multiple visible piercings and a tramp stamp. (It’s funny how girls can hide huge stomachs under even huger boobs.) And nothing says “appetizing” like pasty-white belly flab. Moments later she was at our table trying to bum cigarettes. She had become the show. Soon she was dancing on ponytail boy like he was a stripper pole. I’m sure things were set to deteriorate, but that’s when we left.

Such a civilized place.