Back in May, I helped showcase the creative efforts of WTGW with my post, look at the teets on that one! With that successful effort, WTGW has now created motivational posters for the SEC. My favorite? You guessed it, South Carolina.
I suggest you check out the rest of ‘em.
And by the way, UC sucks!
“Charles and Mary both was doing it, but then they got arrested last night and I got nobody now, I’m just stuck here,” she said.
She is 500lb Chattanoogan Peggie Johnson. By “doing it,” she was referring to being taken care of by her husband Charles and daughter Mary. They got arrested for neglect. Apparently not feeding a 500lb woman who needs constant care is neglect, wheras I would think that feeding someone that fat would be neglectful by itself.
Anyway, Peggie came to WRCB TV’s attention when the best thing they could highlight on their newscast was Peggie’s need for an extra wide door to her home. “I was so happy when my new door went in and Charles even helped work on the door and everything, and so I could have a new life and I could go out and do things and we can go places and that, and now this.”
This is a sad situation, and as Peggie said, she “got nobody now.” But since this is my blog and I got the story from Fark and it happened in Tennessee, you know that things get weirder.
But that isn’t the whole story. Peggie’s comments have a true double meaning. “Charles and Mary both was doing it.” Yes. That “doing” and that “it”. The two are charged with incest, in addition to the neglect related charges.
Paging Mr. Springer, Mr. Jerry Springer.
Pay attention to the incredible shrinking Katie Couric:
If she isn’t a reason to throw a bag of hammers through your TV screen, I don’t know who or what is.
And here’s some not-news news about controlling kangaroo populations:
“Realistically, to deal with wild animals it has to be oral,” said Fletcher, who is collaborating with Newcastle University scientists on the research.
Government ecologist Don Fletcher said Wednesday the oral contraceptive method promised to be more efficient than existing technology for curbing roo numbers around Canberra such as vasectomies for males and injections for females because the fleet-footed marsupials would not need to be captured.
I’m pretty sure that natural selection developed a problem to this solution in the form of natural predators. Then I’m pretty sure that man became pretty efficient as an unnatural predator. You see, we invented these things called “guns” which impart very high velocity to small, but aerodynamic and dense masses. These high-energy, high momentum masses are not easily stopped by mammal flesh, thus causing damage and cessation of being. And dead animals don’t breed.
But apparently they want to develop contraceptives and the male kangaroos just don’t want nothin’ to do with condoms, which makes them like male humans in many ways. Apparently the kangaroos didn’t understand the condoms or how to put them on correctly. So when the researchers tried to interject and apply them when the moment was right, they effectively killed the mood and often earned swift kicks to the groin for their efforts. What a shitty job.
As much as I used to think that the old Nintendo Entertainment System was addictive when I was a kid (I can’t believe I didn’t bring the console to Virginia with me — I was hankering to have a weekend Contra/Tetris/Mario bender), that’s not what NES means anymore. NES is now Night Eating Syndrome. Have no fear though, this “troubling condition” that “plagues” its victims — up to 4.5 million Americans — has shown to be treatable with psychiatric help and an anti-depressant such as Zoloft.
Hopefully this disturbing news won’t set off my intermittent explosive disorder.
Paging Mr. Huxley, Mr. Aldous Huxley…
I was working on a post and theory of education gaps. Just before I hit “publish” I checked last year’s SAT scores which showed that despite what I consider to be derelict math & science education, the average student still scores better on the math section of the SAT (although it is almost strictly a male phenomenon as women average almost identical verbal and math scores).
Since I don’t have time to thoroughly analyze the data tonight, I’m going to publish some other interesting findings that I wrote about a month ago without publishing. That data is from a recent J. Crew catalog sent to my roommate.
Here’s what you need to know:
Ladies, you and your dog should be wearing tweed driving caps, or other caps that might make you look like a WWII concentration camp prisoner. (side note: props to J Crew for using only dog-sized dogs). Furthermore, this year, knees are sexy. This means longer skirts, socks, and boots. Want a guy with a college degree? Show the knee.
Also, global warming is so dangerous that the threat of instantaneous flooding must be carefully taken into consideration. Therefore, wear galoshes, I mean “high rubber wellies” whenever possible.
And for the men, it doesn’t matter how much your girlfriend complains about how your beard stubble irritates her skin. Real J. Crew men wear at least a 5 O’Clock shadow at all times.
There you have it folks, all the info you need to look like someone who’s trying way to too hard.
I guess we should chalk this up as another “it seemed like a good idea at the time moment:
The FBI says 21-year-old Yechezkel Wells called in a bomb threat to the Long Beach Airport because he arrived late for his flight and couldn’t board.
Where’s vigilante justice when you need it?
