Having found the phone number for shop.mlb.com @ 888-MLB-SHOP (after being left affronted by their website), I was able to speak to a real person. Said person confirmed that my order seemed to be stuck in limbo, somewhere in between “we really appreciate your business as it supports our heroin addiction” and “I can’t remember what an address label is.”
I have no reason to worry, however, because they’re working on it.
Can I blame Bud Selig for this? Scratch that.
I blame Bud Selig for this.

I’ve been in Boston without helmet because of Bud. Maybe I will see him at the Red Sox game tonight and give him a piece of my mind.