Every year the NOAA generates a list of tropical storm names. Let’s face it. They get boring after a while, and I’m still upset that they’ve never chosen my name to be on the list. Here’s a better idea. Let’s create a list based on historic religous figures. That way, at the end of the year, we can deduce by total damage which religions or religious leaders are out to do us harm and which are trying to protect us.
With the 2006 Hurricane Season officially Open, I’d like to propose a partial list of names.
Not being the religious scholar in any way, I can only come up with a few weak suggestions.
Hurricane Jesus Christ, for example. Can Jesus Christ hit a curveball? I dunno, maybe if he keeps his weight on his back foot. Another good question, should be listed as Jesus, or Christ, or Jesus Christ? If you put him in the ‘C’-spot under Christ, that would leave ‘J’ open for a potential Hurricane Jobu, who may or may not have gotten his refill yet.
We could have
- A - Abraham
- B - Buddha
- C - Christ
- D - David Koresh
- G*
- I - Jehovah (”in the Latin alphabet, “Jehovah” begins with an ‘I’.”)
- J - Jobu
- L - Lucifer
- M - Muhammed
- N - Neptune
- S - Satan (the devil getting double chances to wreak some havoc)
- Z - Zeus
You get the gist. Got any ideas for completing the list?
After the 2006 hurricane season is over, we can drop the names associated with the worst storms, passing the good names onto the smaller 2007 list. In this tournament fashion, we can conclusively show which religions are better. (Should the tournament be double or single elimination?)
*The ‘G’-spot will not be filled since it is impossible to find and presumed to be non-existant.
Agent Orange Says:
The G Spot should definitely be God, every year. You never know if or when it is there but when it is found, you know. Pretty much like a Hurricane. Plus when you hit the G Spot, like a hurrican, someone says “Oh God.” Plus it is all encompassing.
T should be for Todd. If you get around to a T, it’s typically late, potentially ugly, but has a good chance of puttering out before causing any real damage.
N for Nebukanezzer, just because I want to be an ass to all the weather people. Noah also works because of the whole rain and arc thing.