I was amused and/or irritated by 3 things while buying groceries today.
While entering the store, an older gentleman was pushing a cart from the lot into the store, moving very slowly and taking baby steps. About 30 feet ahead, his wife was just standing there waiting for him to catch up. Why he was moving in this way I don’t know, but he had a big ol’ grin on his face like just being ambulatory was one of the greatest joys in life; I realized he was right.
About 5/8 of the way through my shopping experience, I encountered two small children who had camped out in front of the magazines. Well Mom showed up at the same time I did to corral the little hellions toward the check-out lanes. This isn’t noteworthy by itself. But after I had picked out some Swiss-style cheese, I passed them again. At that moment, one of the kids holding some kind of publication in his hand — with all the seriousness he possessed — looked his mother straight in the eye and said “but I NEED this!” And I believed him. Almost. After his exclamation, he broke eye contact in order to remember just exactly what he was holding and why he needed it.
At that point I completely forgot what I was looking for. I was caught pondering how many times I had pulled that shit when I was a kid, and how often I can expect to hear that when I’m a dad.
But the good times came to an end when I checked out. Now, fortune was on my side as there was no line for the check-out lane. Typically I am very much able to place in the lane that, despite its length, will result in being the biggest waste of my time. Otherwise, I like to be efficient in times like this. Part of this effort is to place the heavy, hard-to-break items on the conveyor first. The idea is that those items can then be put in the bottom of the cart, because putting the beer on top of the bread and light bulbs is usually a bad idea. Well wouldn’t you know that the bagger (at least there was one) was oblivious to this concept. After having filled all the bags and putting them in the cart, she was stuck pondering how to best put the cases of soda in there, too. I believe this was not so much an effort to prevent crushing the more delicate items; rather she just didn’t know what to do once the bottom of the cart was covered. At this point the cashier jumped to the rescue — until she realized the little bottom shelf of the cart was missing. Obviously a 9th grade education was necessary to solve this problem, and despite being the youngest of the small group, I was the only one with the required qualifications.
It is times like this that I wish there was a significantly higher minimum wage. Why? Because these incompetents will be priced out of the market and replaced — with machines and my own effort.
