Nobrainer’s Think Tank

The GOP. (And the Democrats.)

GOP to target Big Oil profits (By Stephen Dinan, THE WASHINGTON TIMES, Published October 25, 2005)
House Republicans, worried about political fallout from the high-profit figures that oil companies are expected to release later this week, will demand that companies pour those profits into refining more oil for the U.S. market in order to lower prices.

At a press conference today, Republicans led by House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert will tell the companies to explain why they are making so much money and what they will do to bring down the cost of gasoline.

“Big Oil needs to do its part. Increasing capacity and improving refineries will do much to boost supplies so that consumers do not feel such a big pinch,” Mr. Hastert said in prepared remarks obtained last night by The Washington Times.

“These are extraordinary times that call for extraordinary measures. We expect oil companies to do their part to help ease the pain American families are feeling from high energy prices,” he said. [. . .]

Mr. Hastert said the companies must tell consumers when new refineries will be built, when an Alaska pipeline deal will be signed and whether companies are “doing everything they can to make sure consumers get a fair deal on energy costs.”

To most aptly reply, I defer to my colleague, Clark W. Griswold:
I’d like Congress, the country’s leaders, right here tonight. I want them brought from their happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane and I want them brought right here, with big ribbons on their heads, and I want to look them straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?

Thanks, Clark. I’d like to emphasize my agreement with the brainless and dickless parts.

Although I have since lost the resource, a primary reason for lack of investment in refining is the low rate of return, somewhere around 5%. When the rest of the market averages about 10%, I can show you kindergartners who understand what the best choice is. Now, from the Department of Infinite Wisdom, our country’s leaders wish to propel investment in oil by cutting profits. Unbefuckinglievable!

At this rate, I will actually vote for a 3rd party regardless of their own shortcomings. I guess the dolts on Capitol Hill are trying to shed the “capitalist pigs” image which, ya know, got us nowhere, instead opting to be only referred to as “pigs.”

UPDATE: Cavuto chimes in:

But the difference between me and some born again consumer populists — including many Republicans on Capitol Hill — is that I’m not into witch-hunts and I’m not into finding scapegoats.

The oil companies make an easy target, now that they’re making money. I just don’t remember hearing the alarm when they weren’t making money or seeing a single tear shed for thousands laid off when oil prices were a fraction what they are now.

I don’t remember anyone saying, “save the oil companies!” No, today the politicians’ message is more like, “Save our sorry asses!”

Indeed.