Nobrainer’s Think Tank

(note: this will turn into a longer, rambling, random post later. I wanted to get it started and published now [update: I'm now working on this for the 3rd time and I can't sleep, so grammar and cohesiveness are likely to elude me]).

U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham – asshat. From today’s article in The State:

“It’s time for oil companies to come to Congress and answer for their burgeoning profit portfolios,” Graham said.

The Associated Press reported in July that two of the world’s largest oil companies, Exxon Mobil and Royal Dutch Shell, saw second-quarter profits rise by about a third — $7 billion and $5 billion, respectively.

“It is a situation where you put pressure on oil companies, you’ll get some relief” from gasoline prices, Graham said.

But that is not a long-term solution, he said. Too many other factors are driving prices up: OPEC has capped production, China and India are demanding more and more oil, and U.S. refineries can’t keep up with demand for local oil. There are not enough refineries in this country, Graham said, to process domestic oil into gasoline.

The long-term answers, he said, involve expanding nuclear power, more domestic drilling — including in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska — and greater development in hydrogen and alternative fuel automobiles.

So when companies set up a solid business plan and make good money, it’s up to Congress to stick their fucking noses into it? Heaven-for-fucking-bid a company makes money when people still willingly pay high prices. You want to put pressure on companies to not earn what they deserve? You’re a fucking genius Senator Graham. There are a million ways to kiss ass for votes and I think you’ll find a way to lose as an incumbent. What’s fucking worse, is that Graham essentially admits that the companies aren’t at fault. He wants to be a fucking busybody so it appears that he’s doing something to help a problem that doesn’t need his help. Explain, for the love of bacon, how spending money on a worthless investigation helps. It doesn’t. See? There — right there — is the answer.

“OPEC has capped production”? Of course. They’re a cartel. That’s what cartels do. Hell, OPEC is even starting to shit their pants now. They know that if prices go up much higher, we might, emphasis might, start really considering alternatives.

I might despise Graham more than either John McCain or Hillary Clinton.

Yes, I just lumped a Republican Senator from South Carolina into the same batch of pig slop as Hillary Clinton.

Oil companies are getting shit on for having high prices and high profits. Wal-Mart gets shit on for having low prices and high profits. That’s right, politicians have realized that pandering to socialist wannabe ignoramuses is the best way to get re-elected. Step one – take too much money. Step two – present yourself as a hero for wrestling money away from the government and “giving it back to the people.” The WWF writes scripts better than this.

This is the new American way: Robin Hoodism. If you can’t get ahead the government owes it to you to put you ahead. Let’s make it a permanent rotation. For 2 years you must live like dogs. Then you get treated to 2 years of middle class life. Finally you get about 6 months of the first class treatment before the government takes everything away and throws you back to the wolves.

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Sadly, I really can’t figure out what the energy policy of ANYONE is these days. When gas is cheap we should tax it to encourage and subsidize alternatives. When it’s expensive we should subsidize gasoline, unleash the strategic oil reserves, and subsidize alternatives. What do these two trends have in common? Our idiots in Washington are taking taxpayer money to spend it on shit the taxpayers don’t want.

What’s worse is that grown up American adults are throwing temper tantrums (sort of like this one I’m composing here) about the price of gas. Here’s a fucking idea. Consider yourself lucky that you got to enjoy cheap, plentiful gas for decades.

Quit bitching that government needs to do something. What are they supposed to do? Price caps? GW pulling folks around in a rickshaw? Horses? Mandated mopeds? There is no short term answer. All the alternatives are still worse than what we have. What would you do if the government delivered to your door tomorrow a nice new shiny tank full of hydrogen? Would you know what to do if they gave you 15 gallons of e85? Do you know what it is? Can your car run on it? Will you bitch more when your mileage decreases?

The best they could do is cut you a gasoline rebate (more of us being thankful to th wonderful politicians who are so generous that they give our money back to us).

Damnit. I’m still not tired and now I’m really pissed off.

For the randomness I promised:
- Blogs that I’ve recently started reading regularly: BrothersJudd and FanBlogs.
- The correct answer to the teaching intelligent design in public schools (hell no, by the way, and definitely not as a ‘science’).

DENNIS: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don’t vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, how did you become King, then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,…
[angels sing]
…her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went ’round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

Full-boar invasion of suburbs

THIS massive boar – one of the largest caught in Queensland – shows how big the feral pig problem has become.

yada yada 270 kg yada

“Any dead pig is a good pig.”

mmmMMMM. bacon. sausage. hot dogs. bacon. pork chops. barebecue. bacon. ribs. ham. bacon….

Excuse me while I recover from a mentally induced coronary.

Researchers hope a vegetable sausage that smells like fish might help deliver poison baits to the estimated 23 million feral pigs nationally.

You can’t make sausage from vegetables. By definition sausage is made of meat. This is exactly why a party with a huge guy-to-girl ration is called a sausage fest. But then, how does on concoct vegetables to smell like fish? Well let’s hope I never find out. However this proves one thing of which I could never convince my parents when I was a child: people use vegetables to kill you.

Stage one is now complete. Nobrainer is not holding out much hope for Nobrainer’s Brew version 1.0.

On Saturday, I transferred the contents of the Mr. Beer brew keg into 3 large, old soda bottles. At this stage the beer is mixed with sugar and stored in a pressure vessel (thus the old soda bottles) where the alcohol and carbonation levels increase. After a week or so the product will be transferred into smaller, 16 oz bottles. So several days ago I bought an 18 pack of Coors light in plastic bottles. Over these last few days I’ve had to systematically empty said bottles so they can be properly cleaned and prepared for their next beer containing lifetime.

Unfortunately, the beer already smelled cidery. Not to say that this is necessarily bad, but it’s not really good. It is becoming apparent that hops will have to be added to future mixes to add the appropriate bitterness that beer really needs. The next batch, in lieu of hops, will take advantage of ground coriander.

Oh well, it can’t be worse than Schlitz. Can it?

pictures are worth a thousand words. (Thanks, LGF)

Tucker Max in Gainesville

Over the weekend, a sad truth became obvious to me. The TV Guide channel is now the best channel on my television. This is particularly true since they have added John Henson, formerly of E!’s Talk Soup, to their lineup.

However, on this channel, as well as somewhere else, I saw coverage of Hurricane Katrina and how it has affected Miami. It was pretty typical hurricane coverage: strong winds, floods, death, and destruction. Change the hurricane name and city and it’s identical to all the other hurricane coverage you’ve ever seen. This coverage was brief, though — even better, in my mind, because it spared me from having to endure watching dumbass reporters standing outside in rain coats waiting to be eviscerated by a flying road sign (or pissed off TV viewer with a knife). As was to be expected, there was an ulterior motive. Yes, the more, nay, most important topic was indeed the MTV Music Video Awards in Miami. Because it would be a real tragedy to have millions of fans crying when they miss out on “Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise and…blast! Who the devil do teenagers like these days? Morgan Freeman.”

The irony was thick my friends. So thick that it struck me like a Delta Gamma lineman playing Greek Bowl. MTV still has Music Video Awards? How? I allege that music video awards would require not one, but both music and videos. Hell, if you’re going to present awards, I would also expect a dose of talent. Thick irony indeed.