Nobrainer’s Think Tank

Well I just got in — without any lottery winnings. I covered 364 miles in about 5 hours and 15 minutes. That’s an average of just over 69 mph — not too bad in my opinion. The drive was pretty boring. There was a fair number of drivers doing stupid things, but that did nothing other than slow me down.

The CDs I played were as interesting as the rest of the drive. I listened to Frank Sinatra’s ‘Come Dance with Me’ twice, Henry Rollins’ ‘Get in the Van - On the Road with Black Flag’ second disc, as well as Black Sabbath’s first album and Paranoid. That’s a playlist you don’t see everyday. I hadn’t listened to Paranoid in a long time and I’d really forgotten how good it was. It’s a great example of how good heavy metal can also be good music.

So let me recap Saturday. After spinning my wheels in the room, I headed out to shop. I realized that the belt I brought with me was too wide for my dress pants. Plus there were a few other items I could use. I really didn’t know where the local malls were, but I thought I remembered how to get to Haywood in Greenville. Somehow I ended up at Greenville Mall. That was depressing. That mall was at least half empty. The Mr. Knickerbockers store was still open and 5 people were working. There couldn’t have been 50 shoppers in the whole mall.

Out of sick curiousity, I had to walk through the entire place. I picked up some cheap jeans and a shirt and started to head back out. Suddenly I hear a black guy yelling. It was the kind of yell you hear right before a fight. I’m expecting to see a rumble but quickly I realize he’s the only one there. He’s on the phone, yelling at someone to “put down the pistol” and “get out of there.” That certainly helped complete my shopping experience.

I got to the wedding later on. It went pretty well. Apparently the ring bearer was picking his nose. I missed that. Unfortunately, I didn’t miss Jabba-The-Bridesmaid. I’m sure it was difficult to scrounge up as much material for her dress as they did, but it wasn’t enough. Fat was spilling out of the edges, and some type of wonderful tattoo was visible between her shoulder blades.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know anyone else at the event and the reception was dry. There was some damn good barbecue though. I ended up talking with one of the older fraternity brothers I hadn’t met before and his wife. They didn’t know anyone either. I think I did recognize a fat, bearded, head-shaven guy as a bouncer from Overtime. The guy’s a dumbass and I’m pretty sure I’ve let him know my opinion in the past. I was in no mood to go ask for the ass-kicking which I probably deserve. I left after the cutting of the cake. I skipped on the sweets though and went back for extra barbecue.

I made it happily back to the hotel without cake or ass-kicking, watched some NASCAR, and got a good night’s sleep.